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So last month, ya girl was scrolling through Twitter, minding my own business (lol, j/k no one minds their own business on Twitter), when I chanced upon the following tweet:
Sidenote: Shout out to Melissa. Y’all should follow her. She’s dope.
My first thought was, “Wow, that is a big ass TI-83.”
Upon further investigation (I read the comments), turns out it wasn’t a super fancy graphing calculator but an old-timey word processor thingamajig.
And y’all no exaggeration…
IT HAS CHANGED MY LIFE
Or at least my writing life.
I know what you guys are thinking…
Let me introduce you to a dude I like to call Neo…
Okay, so his full name is Neo2 Alphasmart Word Processor.
This cute little electronic typewriter has more than DOUBLED my word count.
Yep, you read that right. My daily word count has DOUBLED!!
I kid you not.
NEO SPEC BREAKDOWN (AKA STUFF YOU MIGHT DIG)
- Runs on 3 AA batteries that you’ll only have to change like ONCE a year.
- Can hold up to 80,000 words.
- Has a full, big ol keyboard.
- It’s old and ugly so ain’t nobody trying to steal it when you use the bathroom at Starbucks.
- Will turn you into Stephen King.
- It’s indestructible. Okay, it’s not indestructible but it was initially made for use in schools so it’s a whole lot tougher than your Acer.
You, probably: So like…have you never heard of a computer?
I’m so glad you brought that up.
Reasons why the $30 Neo (and not my $1200 Macbook) is now my first draft device of choice.
Thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
REASON #1: I CAN’T EDIT ON THE DARN THING
And this is a very good thing. In fact, it’s my favorite thing about the Neo.
I have a terrible habit of over-editing while I write.
It’s damn near impossible for me to write something without stopping every few sentences to go back and edit what I just wrote.
Sidenote: You’d think I’d have the best-edited books out there. Lolz I don’t.
Heck, if you think about it, it’s practically a disability.
You, probably: Sigh…no it’s not.
Me: But just think about all the things I can’t enjoy…
Thing #1 Writing sprints with my twitter peeps?
Thing #2 10,000-word days fueled by coffee and red bull?
Thing #3 Bragging about writing an entire ass novel during a weekend locked alone in my late but affluent grandfather’s cabin at Lake Tahoe?
Not with my overediting ass.
You, probably: Wait, wh- ...who even reads this blog?
The Neo keeps my over editing tendencies in check.
Besides, you can’t edit if you can only see the last 2 lines of text.
REASON #2: THE INTERNET>WRITING A NOVEL
You know what’s more fun than writing a novel?
Here are just a few of the things I do on my laptop when I’m supposed to be writing:
- “Like” random posts on Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram.
- Watch motivational videos about self-discipline on YouTube.
- Browse through my Email thinking that I should really go through it, then closing my Email (this occurs every 15 minutes)
- Update my running playlist in the hopes that I will one day actually WANT to run (lol, j/k nobody actually wants to run)
But guess what chicken butt?
The Neo ain’t got no Internet to distract me.
The only thing I can do on the Neo is write.
It really is brilliant in its simplicity.
Sidenote: If you guys are really feeling froggy, take the Neo (and nothing else, not even your phone) with you to Starbucks. Girrrl.
And yes, I know there are apps and programs that block certain websites and you can set them for certain times of the day and so on and whatnot and blah blah, but you know what that sounds like to me?
A whole lotta work.
And ya girl’s already too busy #grinding #notsleeping and #hustlinghard to be doing all that.
I need it simple, fast and easy.
REASON #3: YOU CAN WHIP IT OUT ALMOST ANYWHERE
Do you want to know all of the places you can whip it out?
You, probably: For the love of God, no.
You can whip the Neo out on a boat
You can whip the Neo out with a goat
You can whip the Neo out in the rain.
You can whip –
You know what?
I don’t think it’s waterproof, so maybe scratch that last one.
You, probably: If you continue down this path, I will stop reading.
To recap – at 1.9 pounds, the Neo is super portable.
I use it at libraries, cafes, various parks and even in my car (not while I’m driving).
I take it places I don’t feel comfortable taking my laptop.
I can leave it in my car all day and not worry about it getting too hot or cold.
Honestly y’all, there’s never a bad time to “whip it” out.
REASON #4: PERMISSION TO SUCK
As writers, we have a tendency to be pretty hard on ourselves.
We expect Shakespearean level soliloquies from our first draft and wordplay deserving of a Novel prize from our final draft.
The thing is, most initial writing is fairly terrible, and if not terrible definitely not on par with the Bard.
When I write on my laptop I feel like there has to be a certain level of polish to my work.
Although I know I’ll have to edit and rewrite most of it, I still can’t bring myself to suck so blatantly while writing on a $1200
fancy typewriter laptop.
But on the Neo…honey I write sentences I wouldn’t even read to my cat (I mean, not that she would care anyway. She’s not really interested in my stuff like that. It’s cool though. Whatevs.)
For some reason, writing on what looks like an oversized calculator, really takes the pressure to be great, off of my shoulders.
I don’t know…
Maybe it’s just me.
Or maybe it’s –
You, probably: They’re only $30 right?
Me: Yep! And I was about to say, “or maybe it’s -“
You, probably: Fine, I’ll buy one if only to shut you up.
Me: …it’s just one word.
You, probably: No. I already know you’re going to write ‘Maybe it’s Maybelline’ then cross ‘Maybelline’ out and write ‘Neo.’
Me: I wasn’t going to.
You, probably: Yes you were.
Me: Yes, I was.
Unfortunately, AlphaSmart no longer makes the Neo2 so kiddos once they’re gone, they’re gone forever.